Well, isn’t that just like Him! First, He makes me write about forgiveness and post it on my blog. Then, that same day, He brings up something very painful from my past, from over ten years ago, that I had buried but never actually forgave. When I remembered this incidence, sadness, laced with bitterness, welled up in my heart, along with fresh anger over the injustice of the situation. How could they have been so unkind and rejecting after I opened myself up to them like that? I had never really allowed myself to look clearly at the situation before but had always pushed such thoughts away. But now that I considered the exchanges, and there were several, I realized that the person had been truly horrible to me! And being the good person that I am, I had never struck back, but simply buried the trauma, hoping never to recall it again.
By now, I was really angry. Why did God bring this up? And then I remembered the blog I had just posted and I felt even worse. I wanted to forgive but I just COULDN’T! So I fumed some more and I begged God to forgive me and to help me, alternating with telling Him that I thought it was kinda mean that He had made me write that article and then brought this up!
So then I decided to pray with my husband about the problem. Leo prayed with me and finally, finally, it was like a door sprang open in my heart and all the bitterness, hurt and anger drained away. God confirmed to me, through Leo, that it wasn’t my fault, the way this person had treated me. Then I was able to freely forgive.
This morning when I woke up, I felt different…better…more whole and more myself. God really is good.
Thank you, God for leading me on this journey of healing.