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Don’t Talk About It

I saw a tornado once, ripping through a farmer’s field. I was a child, sitting with my younger sister in the back seat of my grandma’s car. We were driving through Saskatchewan, a beautiful place like Manitoba where you can see from horizon to horizon – flat land and beautiful vast sky. It was a stormy day and the clouds were a weird color. I remember looking out my window over the field and seeing a tornado. It was huge!

I cried out, “Grandma Beth, there’s a tornado!”

With both hands firmly on the wheel, she said, “Don’t look at it. Don’t talk about it.”

Thinking back she must have already seen it and was likely pushing the car as fast as it would go, as there was no shelter in sight for miles. Our only option was to drive away from it. When the tornado was out of sight and we were safe, still she never said anything about it. In fact, she never even told my parents. And neither did I until just last year, about 30 years or so after it happened.

My grandma’s words are basically the encapsulation of my family’s belief. Growing up what was taught and modeled in my home was to be brave and not to talk about problems. Do what it took to deal with a problem and if you couldn’t do anything about it, dismiss it, never to be talked about again.

This is basically how I have lived as well. There are actually a lot of positives about this approach to life. Habitually rehashing old problems is demoralizing (it makes you feel worse) and does nothing to help the situation. It can actually cause a person to take on a victim mentality, a woe-is-me attitude where the person just talks about all the things that have happened to them and then feels powerless to do anything about things that happen.

However, there is the other side of things. I think secrets hold a kind of power. And if it is a secret about something bad that has happened or something that you did – I think that traps you in a way. It’s like there’s an evil hold on you. And then you can’t get help with it either. Also, if you never share what has happened I don’t think you can get complete inner healing for the issue.

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I’ve just finished talking to my hubby about several issues from the past that I’ve been struggling with. He was really there for me, told me he loved me and then he prayed with me. It felt so good to finally clear the air after so many years.

If you have a dark secret you’ve been carrying you should tell someone too. Freedom is waiting for us. Let’s push this door open and walk out into the light.

One Response to “Don’t Talk About It”

  1. This is a great post, Celesta — you grabbed me with the intrigue of witnessing a tornedo, and made me wrestle with whether or not I agree if “not talking about it” is a good thing or not.

    I end up agreeing with you, that that there is a time and place for both.

    Personally, I’m just coming out of a time of hard stuff (that i was only really willing to talk about with a few people) and into a time of moving on. No need to rehash. It’s over. Let’s move on.

    You’re so right — secrets and unspoken hurt are isolating, and talking about it with trusted people is freeing — it affords opportunity for healing.

    Thanks for sharing this :)

    (I love your personal posts ;) )

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